In catholic school they taught me that I was a piece of play dough. That every time I touched somebody else sexually they’re colors rubbed into mine and mine into theirs. that afterwards I wasn’t all yellow anymore. I wasn’t pure anymore. As if sex taints me, makes me imperfect. As if I’m the toy nobody else will want to play with anymore because I’m now ugly. Ruined. It took me a long time to realize that it’s not true.
You and I are not play dough or puzzle pieces trying to jam ourselves into the places we do not fit. We are human beings. We are not broken or misshapen. We are not ugly or tainted. Human. We are human.
Believing in God has nothing to do with any of this. I am not trying to shed a negative light on Him. But no matter what you believe, if sex is something you do want to save or if it’s something you want to enjoy now, for yourself, you will not be ruined because you do it. You will not be a prude because you don’t.
Don’t let schooling or anybody else shame you or make you feel like you are less whole for having sex. Sex is human. It is natural. It is love.
What I do give those Catholic school teachers props for is that they told me what is not sex. If you were manipulated, raped, scared, or anything of the kind, that wasn’t sex. If you are ashamed, like me, because you were 15 and thought maybe having sex to please your boyfriend was what you were supposed to do so you did it anyways… That isn’t sex. That’s being taken advantage of.
Regardless, manipulated, raped, scared, abstinent, having sex because you want to, having sex with the person you love, you are still not tainted. You are never damaged goods.
You are always you and you are always whole. Nobody can take any part of you away from them.
You know this because every time you’ve had your heart broken, you’ve always come out the otherside. It’s okay to let some people reserve a special part of your heart and soul, but remember, you always own it. You are not damaged goods.